Where Are We Now

Where Are We Now – May 12, 2012 Well it has been almost two months. Can you believe it? I really can’t. One thing that I think Will and I always tried to do with our updates was shoot it to you straight and not really put on any rose colored glasses. I have decided to make this post no different. The past two months have been a blur and also quite depressing. At first all of this seemed like a bad dream, and to a degree it still does. It took a while for the reality to sink in since everything happened so fast. It really just felt like Will was still coming home. The days after Will’s death, I was on autopilot. I went to the funeral home, florist, and necessary places; however, it all seemed so unreal. Will and I had talked about what he wanted as far as cremation and what he wanted done with his remains, but other than that I always cut conversations short telling him he was not going to die. I really firmly believed from the moment that Will was diagnosed that he was going to beat this cancer. I really thought God’s plan for him was to be a witness to everyone about the power of prayer. I knew that Will was touching so many people’s lives through his battle, and I believed that was part of God’s plan. I feel Will brought people to God and also redirected and brought back some who were lost in their way. I don’t think I was being naïve thinking Will was going to beat cancer, but was having faith and hope that this was merely a bump in the road and that we would move past it to better things. I was wrong about God’s plan for Will, but God did have a plan and I am sure Will made God proud in his journey. I am not going to lie to you – things stink right now. It seems that I get more and more down as the days go by. Little things are hard for me: getting out of bed, cooking (which I love), straightening the house, etc. Then there are other things. For example, we went to Florida on Spring Break to get away. It was so hard. I kept thinking Will was just at home and I kept wanting to tell him all the things Mack was doing. Mack is too young to understand permanent loss or sickness. He asks where his Daddy is. If we are gone from our house for a day or two, he will say Daddy when we pull up in the driveway and then look for him. One day we went to the car dealership and Mack remembered being there with Will and me. Mack looked at me and said, “Daddy inside, Daddy inside.” Then when Will was not inside he laid on the floor and yelled Daddy over and over. Needless to say this is really difficult, but we talk about how Daddy was really sick and died, and now he is not sick and is heaven with Jesus. Mack likes to sit and look at pictures of Will. He also will pick out Louisville and Braves shirts to wear because they are shirts like Daddy. It is definitely an adjustment getting used to being a single parent. I am lucky that Mack is such a great kid who just rolls with the punches. . I also have to get the hang of paying for all the bills. Will was the one who did all the bill paying but a couple. There just seem to be so many things to deal with and get done on my own. Don’t get me wrong, Mack and I are having some good times too. He loves to play outside so we have been enjoying the nice weather. Mack got to go see Sesame Street Live too. Florida was great, and Mack loved the sand and ocean. He also jumped off the side of the pool like a big boy and even went underwater. We have been spending a lot of time with family and friends too. Even through these struggles I am well aware that Mack and I have had some amazing support from those around us. I just want to give a shout out to everyone who sent flowers, cards, emails, came to visitation, brought food, came to the funeral, wrote letters to Mack, created fundraisers to help our family, gave me mementoes to remember Will, and for just anyone who has been sending well wishes and prayers our way. Everyone has been amazing through journey. Many people were generous and gave money to the Will Power student scholarship. We awarded the first scholarship to a student at North Oldham High School to Emily Tanner. There are several people who have recently asked about giving a contribution to the scholarship fund or to Mack’s college fund. If you have been looking for information to donate, I have tried to make it easy. For the scholarship fund you can still mail a check if you wish, or you can now go to our blog (http://supportwilljones.blogspot.com) and click on the donate button on the left side. For those who have asked about Mack’s college fund, you can inbox me your email address and I can have an email sent to you on how to deposit directly, or you can go to the blog as well. By NO means am I trying to solicit money from any of you, but several people have been asking. I am going to try to post updates every so often to inform you of what’s going on in our lives and where we are in the grieving process. You can also keep up with Mack through his blog http://itsallaboutmack.blogspot.com. I have kind of slacked off on posting on his blog, but I am ready to get back into it now. Thanks so much for keeping up with and caring about our family. Also, just a reminder that it is Relay for Life time in your community. You can help to support the American Cancer Society and remember loved ones who lost their battle with cancer! I attended the Oldham County Relay for Life at North Oldham last night and saw many of you there. We can make a difference! Katie and Mack